1 00:00:01,159 --> 00:00:03,140 [TV static drones] 2 00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:05,230 [bright tone] 3 00:00:06,009 --> 00:00:08,099 - Your girl finna warm up these leftovers. 4 00:00:08,119 --> 00:00:10,060 - Girl, why you act like food don't go bad? 5 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:11,140 It does. 6 00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:13,029 - Well, excuse me, Ms. Subway, 7 00:00:13,050 --> 00:00:15,060 but some of us don't have time to eat fresh every day. 8 00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:16,170 - You know I have to cook every night 9 00:00:16,190 --> 00:00:18,079 just in case my man, Reggie, pops up. 10 00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:20,109 That's why I'm always buying shellfish. 11 00:00:20,129 --> 00:00:22,050 You know, I saw he posted on Instagram 12 00:00:22,070 --> 00:00:23,160 he likes to eat shrimp and stuff, so-- 13 00:00:23,179 --> 00:00:24,210 - First of all, he's not your man. 14 00:00:24,230 --> 00:00:26,030 He belongs to the streets. 15 00:00:26,050 --> 00:00:27,120 You gotta set some boundaries. 16 00:00:27,140 --> 00:00:29,140 I wish a nigga would pop up at my house unexpected. 17 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:30,210 - Girl, he can eat all my food, 18 00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:32,179 but you know that's not all he be eating. 19 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:34,060 I'm talking about box. - Bump that. 20 00:00:34,079 --> 00:00:35,179 I don't care how good the dick is. 21 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:37,170 I wish a nigga would eat up all my food. 22 00:00:37,189 --> 00:00:39,100 - Mm-mm. 23 00:00:39,119 --> 00:00:41,049 - [screams] 24 00:00:41,070 --> 00:00:43,030 Get the fuck out of my house! 25 00:00:43,049 --> 00:00:45,049 - What do you mean? You invited me. 26 00:00:45,070 --> 00:00:47,079 Just now, when you said, "I wish a nigga would 27 00:00:47,100 --> 00:00:49,090 pop up in my house unexpected." 28 00:00:49,109 --> 00:00:50,229 And then, you said, "I wish a nigga would 29 00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:52,020 eat up all my food." 30 00:00:52,039 --> 00:00:53,229 - Nigga, what? - I ain't say nothing. 31 00:00:54,009 --> 00:00:56,229 [comical music] 32 00:00:57,009 --> 00:00:58,070 ♪ ♪ 33 00:00:58,090 --> 00:00:59,149 - You expect me to believe you pop up 34 00:00:59,170 --> 00:01:01,179 every time somebody says, "I wish a nigga would"? 35 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:02,229 - I said what I said. 36 00:01:03,009 --> 00:01:04,219 - Ooh! Who you talking to? 37 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:07,099 I wish a nigga would be up in my house talking crazy to me. 38 00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:08,189 - The Earth is flat! 39 00:01:08,210 --> 00:01:10,099 Tofu's better than chicken. 40 00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:12,079 French rolls are making a comeback. 41 00:01:12,099 --> 00:01:14,060 Free Wi-Fi! That little nigga's innocent! 42 00:01:14,079 --> 00:01:15,180 You and Ginuwine got the same baby hair, 43 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,019 and y'all adults. 44 00:01:17,039 --> 00:01:18,099 - Oh, you got jokes, huh? 45 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,219 Don't bring my edges into this. 46 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,180 Is this a prank? Huh? 47 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:23,030 Is somebody pranking me, huh? 48 00:01:23,049 --> 00:01:24,079 Where the cameras at? 49 00:01:24,099 --> 00:01:26,099 Oh, I wish a nigga would try to play me right now. 50 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,120 - Oh, you want to play? 51 00:01:27,140 --> 00:01:29,109 I brought "Uno", "Sorry!", 52 00:01:29,129 --> 00:01:31,120 and dominoes in a Crown Royal bag. 53 00:01:31,140 --> 00:01:33,090 - What the f-- okay, how about this? 54 00:01:33,109 --> 00:01:35,210 How about I wish a nigga would get the fuck up out my house? 55 00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:37,129 - Mm-mm. Nah, it don't work like that. 56 00:01:37,150 --> 00:01:39,159 You gotta believe that shit down in your gut 57 00:01:39,180 --> 00:01:40,170 for it to happen. 58 00:01:40,189 --> 00:01:41,170 Try this: 59 00:01:41,189 --> 00:01:44,020 I wish a nigga would 60 00:01:44,039 --> 00:01:45,159 get the fuck up out my house! 61 00:01:45,180 --> 00:01:48,189 - I wish a nigga would get the fuck up out my house! 62 00:01:48,210 --> 00:01:50,140 - You gotta lean into it. See, you're doing this. 63 00:01:50,159 --> 00:01:52,200 [nasally] "I wish a nigga would get the fuck up out my house." 64 00:01:52,219 --> 00:01:54,000 - How about, I wish a nigga would 65 00:01:54,020 --> 00:01:56,039 get the fuck up out my house? - I didn't believe it. 66 00:01:56,060 --> 00:01:57,129 - Oh, what? You "The Secret" now? 67 00:01:57,150 --> 00:01:59,069 - Quiet as it's kept. - Oh, this nigga here. 68 00:01:59,090 --> 00:02:00,189 [scoffs] 69 00:02:00,209 --> 00:02:02,040 - Here? 70 00:02:02,060 --> 00:02:03,049 Or here? 71 00:02:03,069 --> 00:02:04,150 - If you don't get your Hood-dini ass 72 00:02:04,170 --> 00:02:05,200 up out my house-- 73 00:02:05,219 --> 00:02:08,039 - Ooh, you almost had it. You ain't say "nigga," though. 74 00:02:08,060 --> 00:02:09,090 - Oh, we playing "Nigga Simon Says" now? 75 00:02:09,110 --> 00:02:11,129 That's what we doing? 76 00:02:11,150 --> 00:02:12,150 [scoffs] 77 00:02:12,169 --> 00:02:13,180 Latreice, you still there? 78 00:02:13,199 --> 00:02:15,210 - Jamaica, what's going on over there? 79 00:02:15,229 --> 00:02:17,020 I was about to call the police, 80 00:02:17,039 --> 00:02:19,060 but then, I didn't because I was listening. 81 00:02:19,079 --> 00:02:20,229 - Girl, you will not believe this. 82 00:02:21,009 --> 00:02:23,199 There's a nigga in my kitchen, and I cannot get him to leave! 83 00:02:23,219 --> 00:02:26,120 - Well, girl, just tell him you went to a HWCU. 84 00:02:26,139 --> 00:02:27,199 - Nah, he on some "Beetlejuice" shit, 85 00:02:27,219 --> 00:02:30,009 talking about I gotta believe my words to get him to leave. 86 00:02:30,030 --> 00:02:31,139 This nigga trippin'. 87 00:02:31,159 --> 00:02:33,020 - Fuck that. He don't even sound fine. 88 00:02:33,039 --> 00:02:34,079 I wish a non-Reggie nigga 89 00:02:34,099 --> 00:02:36,189 would just pop up in my house unannounced. 90 00:02:36,210 --> 00:02:38,120 Couldn't be me. 91 00:02:38,139 --> 00:02:39,170 [screams] Uh-uh. 92 00:02:39,189 --> 00:02:41,110 There's a non-Reggie nigga in my house! 93 00:02:41,129 --> 00:02:42,210 - Ooh, you know what? I gotta go, girl. 94 00:02:42,229 --> 00:02:44,120 My phone's dying. I'ma call you back, okay? 95 00:02:44,139 --> 00:02:46,050 Bye! - Jamaica! 96 00:02:46,069 --> 00:02:48,110 Well, anyway, how are you, sir? 97 00:02:48,129 --> 00:02:50,000 You like shrimp? 98 00:02:50,129 --> 00:02:52,099 - ♪ Here's a little story 'bout a raw-ass bitch ♪ 99 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:54,170 ♪ That'll take yo' man like she take that dick ♪ 100 00:02:54,189 --> 00:02:56,229 ♪ She got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one ♪ 101 00:02:57,009 --> 00:02:58,069 ♪ She like strapped street niggas ♪ 102 00:02:58,090 --> 00:02:59,110 ♪ Who gon' run them funds ♪ 103 00:02:59,129 --> 00:03:01,169 ♪ I got a gang of bitches who gon' see 'bout me ♪ 104 00:03:01,189 --> 00:03:04,020 ♪ Quick to run up in your shit, ho, one, two, three ♪ 105 00:03:04,039 --> 00:03:06,099 ♪ Selling out 'bout me, I still remain untouched ♪ 106 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:08,180 ♪ I just walk through them hos and drop my nuts ♪ 107 00:03:08,199 --> 00:03:11,009 ♪ Your baby daddy fell in love, I just wanted to fuck ♪ 108 00:03:11,030 --> 00:03:13,090 ♪ I just wanted the cash, all he wanted was us ♪ 109 00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:15,199 ♪ Take a blunt to the face while he rubbing my butt ♪ 110 00:03:15,219 --> 00:03:17,009 ♪ Countin' money in my panties ♪ 111 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,039 ♪ That shit give me rush ♪ 112 00:03:18,060 --> 00:03:19,039 ♪ And be like ♪ 113 00:03:19,060 --> 00:03:20,129 ♪ Go, girl, wit' yo' fine ass ♪ 114 00:03:20,150 --> 00:03:21,180 ♪ Get a bag, make 'em mad ♪ 115 00:03:21,199 --> 00:03:22,199 ♪ Bitch, you bad ♪ 116 00:03:27,219 --> 00:03:29,180 ♪ Go, girl, with your fine ass ♪ 117 00:03:29,199 --> 00:03:30,229 ♪ Make a mess, leave 'em pressed ♪ 118 00:03:31,009 --> 00:03:32,079 ♪ You the best, let me see you do it ♪ 119 00:03:32,099 --> 00:03:34,099 ♪ Just fly with it, just vibe with it ♪ 120 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:36,020 ♪ Talk to your homegirl, high-five with me ♪ 121 00:03:36,039 --> 00:03:37,039 ♪ Let me see you do it ♪ 122 00:03:37,060 --> 00:03:39,030 ♪ Zip with it, 'cause you ain't trip with it ♪ 123 00:03:39,050 --> 00:03:40,199 ♪ I do it halfway, now put your hips in it ♪ 124 00:03:40,219 --> 00:03:42,020 ♪ Let me see you do it ♪ 125 00:03:45,069 --> 00:03:48,039 [electronic music] 126 00:03:48,060 --> 00:03:54,229 ♪ ♪ 127 00:03:55,009 --> 00:03:56,219 - Okay. 128 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,219 Enough wallowing. - It's only been an hour. 129 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,099 I'm still in the first stage of grief. 130 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:01,150 Denial. 131 00:04:01,169 --> 00:04:02,219 No, I'm not. 132 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:05,159 - We just found out everyone on Earth is dead. 133 00:04:05,180 --> 00:04:07,060 - No, we just confirmed 134 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,060 that everyone on Earth is dead. 135 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:11,159 - Well, to be fair, I did that in my Facebook invite 136 00:04:11,180 --> 00:04:14,099 when I told you all it was the end of the world. 137 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:16,149 - You also said BYOB, 138 00:04:16,170 --> 00:04:18,129 and I'm the only one who B-ed. 139 00:04:18,149 --> 00:04:20,199 - Okay, ladies, let's leave the past in the past. 140 00:04:20,220 --> 00:04:22,079 You know what they say. 141 00:04:22,100 --> 00:04:24,160 - "Today is a gift. That's why they call it the present." 142 00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:26,100 - "Don't cry over spilled milk." 143 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:27,199 - "It takes two to tango." 144 00:04:27,220 --> 00:04:29,160 - That doesn't make any sense. 145 00:04:29,180 --> 00:04:31,120 - Right, 'cause there's five of us. 146 00:04:31,139 --> 00:04:34,009 - Look, we are Black women. 147 00:04:34,029 --> 00:04:35,230 Strong Black women. 148 00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:37,209 And yes, that is a damaging trope 149 00:04:37,230 --> 00:04:39,069 that has led many to believe 150 00:04:39,090 --> 00:04:41,009 that we don't need love and care, 151 00:04:41,029 --> 00:04:44,029 and yes, I did write a paper on the use of said trope 152 00:04:44,050 --> 00:04:46,029 from the advent of television to today. 153 00:04:46,050 --> 00:04:48,199 My professor praised it by calling it "long." 154 00:04:48,220 --> 00:04:50,129 The point is, 155 00:04:50,149 --> 00:04:53,129 we've had to be strong our whole lives. 156 00:04:53,149 --> 00:04:55,149 From the moment you sat between your mother's legs 157 00:04:55,170 --> 00:04:56,139 to get your hair done, 158 00:04:56,159 --> 00:04:59,069 and that shitty comb broke off in your tangles, 159 00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:02,180 to every time you got passed over for love, 160 00:05:02,199 --> 00:05:05,009 promotion, or prestige 161 00:05:05,029 --> 00:05:07,050 simply because of the color of your skin. 162 00:05:07,069 --> 00:05:09,089 We started off strong, 163 00:05:09,110 --> 00:05:11,160 and we've only gotten stronger. 164 00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:13,230 That is why we survived. 165 00:05:14,009 --> 00:05:16,230 That's why we were meant to survive. 166 00:05:17,009 --> 00:05:18,160 That's why I can give 167 00:05:18,180 --> 00:05:21,000 Shonda-level speeches. 168 00:05:21,019 --> 00:05:23,009 So tighten up, ladies. 169 00:05:23,029 --> 00:05:24,160 We have a world to rebuild 170 00:05:24,180 --> 00:05:27,149 in our own image. 171 00:05:27,170 --> 00:05:29,089 We were made to be gods. 172 00:05:29,110 --> 00:05:32,159 So yeah, bad news, everyone else on Earth is dead, 173 00:05:32,180 --> 00:05:34,129 but good news, 174 00:05:34,149 --> 00:05:36,100 we're here. 175 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:38,029 And I'm your next president. 176 00:05:38,050 --> 00:05:39,180 [dramatic musical sting] 177 00:05:41,170 --> 00:05:44,090 - Hmm. Wait, what? - What the fuck? 178 00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:45,139 - Classic Ashley. 179 00:05:47,170 --> 00:05:48,149 [school bell rings] 180 00:05:48,170 --> 00:05:50,060 - Here's your change. 181 00:05:50,079 --> 00:05:52,110 Now go on! Sit down somewhere! 182 00:05:52,129 --> 00:05:53,199 [dramatic music] 183 00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:55,029 [ringside bell dings] 184 00:05:55,050 --> 00:05:57,000 - It may be 1992, 185 00:05:57,019 --> 00:05:59,209 but today, we're taking you back to 1982. 186 00:05:59,230 --> 00:06:02,019 Welcome to "Sit Down Somewhere: Classic," 187 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:05,009 TV's number one lunchtime competition show. 188 00:06:05,029 --> 00:06:06,100 I'm Kimber Zak. 189 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:08,060 - And I'm Neesha Carver. 190 00:06:08,079 --> 00:06:10,040 Kimber, I am ecstatic joining you 191 00:06:10,060 --> 00:06:12,019 as your partner tonight, and when I say "partner," 192 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:14,019 I mean that in every way possible. 193 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,180 - And when I say "I have a wife," 194 00:06:15,199 --> 00:06:18,160 I mean that, in every way possible. 195 00:06:18,180 --> 00:06:21,079 Hey, tonight, we've got a her-storic episode for you, 196 00:06:21,100 --> 00:06:23,120 so grab your Big League Chew, your Teddy Ruxpin, 197 00:06:23,139 --> 00:06:25,129 your Barbie who's not yet Black, 198 00:06:25,149 --> 00:06:27,230 and settle in 10 years ago 199 00:06:28,009 --> 00:06:30,110 with this "Sit Down Somewhere: Classic" match. 200 00:06:30,129 --> 00:06:32,069 - Let's meet our contestants. 201 00:06:32,090 --> 00:06:35,069 - Representing the away team, it's 14-year-old Ceecee. 202 00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:37,120 Now, this is Ceecee's first day of high school, 203 00:06:37,139 --> 00:06:40,090 so she'll be looking to win acceptance, friendships, 204 00:06:40,110 --> 00:06:42,220 and to rid herself of the junior high nickname, 205 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:44,189 "Weewee Ceecee." 206 00:06:44,209 --> 00:06:46,149 - Her opponents today are the students 207 00:06:46,170 --> 00:06:49,009 of Penny FromGoodTimes High School. 208 00:06:49,029 --> 00:06:50,220 - Well, she's gonna be having a bad time 209 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:53,220 if she can't score a seat at the right table for lunch. 210 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,090 As we all know, the key to surviving the next four years 211 00:06:56,110 --> 00:06:58,189 is cliquing with the right clique. 212 00:06:58,209 --> 00:07:01,060 - That's right, Kimber. The rules are simple. 213 00:07:01,079 --> 00:07:03,160 Ceecee must navigate a gauntlet of crews 214 00:07:03,180 --> 00:07:05,110 and be invited to join one 215 00:07:05,129 --> 00:07:08,160 and sit at their table all before the lunch bell rings. 216 00:07:08,180 --> 00:07:10,060 - How come I don't see your feet moving? 217 00:07:10,079 --> 00:07:11,170 Sit down somewhere! 218 00:07:11,189 --> 00:07:13,040 [ringside bell dings] - And we're off! 219 00:07:13,060 --> 00:07:15,079 Now, here Ceecee goes with her opening move. 220 00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:17,009 She darts left, she darts right. 221 00:07:17,029 --> 00:07:20,029 But it looks like all those kids are much bigger than her. 222 00:07:20,050 --> 00:07:21,149 Her form looks very good. 223 00:07:21,170 --> 00:07:23,209 I gotta say, she's in top physical condition. 224 00:07:23,230 --> 00:07:25,079 Oh, man, this is my favorite part! 225 00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:27,149 Now, she's looking from table to table. 226 00:07:27,170 --> 00:07:28,199 Where is she gonna go? 227 00:07:28,220 --> 00:07:29,220 Uh-oh! 228 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,149 Looks like Ceecee's going for the easy win, 229 00:07:32,170 --> 00:07:34,100 heading straight for the chess champ, Elgin, 230 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,159 at the nerd's table. 231 00:07:35,180 --> 00:07:38,040 I mean, this is a real gimme here. 232 00:07:38,060 --> 00:07:39,100 Neesha, I expected more. 233 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:41,189 - Actually, it's a bold move for Ceecee. 234 00:07:41,209 --> 00:07:42,209 She knows good and damn well 235 00:07:42,230 --> 00:07:44,209 she don't know how to play chess. 236 00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:47,209 [tense music] 237 00:07:47,230 --> 00:07:48,220 ♪ ♪ 238 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:50,159 King me. [buzzer buzzes] 239 00:07:50,180 --> 00:07:51,209 - Uh-oh, 240 00:07:51,230 --> 00:07:55,069 rejected by the plankton of the high school ecosystem. 241 00:07:55,090 --> 00:07:57,100 That is embarrassing, and I did not see that coming. 242 00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:59,170 - Using a rook like a checker? 243 00:07:59,189 --> 00:08:01,120 Now, that's a rook-ie mistake. 244 00:08:01,139 --> 00:08:02,149 - Ha, nice! 245 00:08:02,170 --> 00:08:04,019 - Girl, this ain't stand-up lunch. 246 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:05,149 It's sit-down lunch. 247 00:08:05,170 --> 00:08:07,110 Now, you need to sit down somewhere! 248 00:08:09,019 --> 00:08:10,160 [ringside bell dings] - Uh-oh! 249 00:08:10,180 --> 00:08:12,060 Here comes a blitz. 250 00:08:12,079 --> 00:08:15,089 An unexpected obstacle in the form of a goth. 251 00:08:15,110 --> 00:08:17,040 - This is Blade's fifth attempt 252 00:08:17,060 --> 00:08:19,079 at a first-day friend acquisition. 253 00:08:19,100 --> 00:08:22,129 But Ceecee knows teaming up with a solo goth 254 00:08:22,149 --> 00:08:24,019 on the heels of a nerd rejection 255 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,019 would make her so lame, 256 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:28,069 even lying about being cousins with Kurtis Blow 257 00:08:28,089 --> 00:08:29,100 wouldn't save her. 258 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:31,139 Kimber, what's your play here? 259 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:33,190 - Yeah, Neesha, when I was in this exact same position 260 00:08:33,210 --> 00:08:35,070 in my playing days, I-- 261 00:08:35,090 --> 00:08:36,200 look at that spin! 262 00:08:36,220 --> 00:08:39,019 Oh, that is a pro move right there. 263 00:08:39,039 --> 00:08:40,129 Impressive. 264 00:08:40,149 --> 00:08:43,179 - Fun fact: that move is what inspired the electric slide. 265 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:44,220 - It is, indeed, electric. 266 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,169 [dramatic musical sting] 267 00:08:47,190 --> 00:08:49,210 - Hey! Sit down somewhere! 268 00:08:49,230 --> 00:08:52,159 Ow! Made me hurt my wrist. 269 00:08:52,179 --> 00:08:54,090 - Wow, man, I hate that lunch lady. 270 00:08:54,110 --> 00:08:56,090 But she runs a tight ship. [chuckles] 271 00:08:56,110 --> 00:08:58,129 [hip-hop music plays] Uh-oh! 272 00:08:58,149 --> 00:09:00,120 Ceecee's gonna have to bring her A-game 273 00:09:00,139 --> 00:09:03,059 if she wants to land a seat at the cool kids' table, 274 00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:05,070 led by Loose Limbs Luther. 275 00:09:05,090 --> 00:09:08,059 - Another fun fact: Loose Limbs went on to be cast 276 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:10,149 in "Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo," 277 00:09:10,169 --> 00:09:14,019 but sadly, a nasty cardboard cut ended his career. 278 00:09:14,039 --> 00:09:17,230 ♪ ♪ 279 00:09:18,009 --> 00:09:19,019 - Oh! Hey, look at this. 280 00:09:19,039 --> 00:09:21,059 Ceecee's got the invite. Wow! 281 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,179 Holy cow! That's embarrassing. 282 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:28,019 Loose Limbs Luther was actually waving over 283 00:09:28,039 --> 00:09:30,179 the fast-ass girl behind Ceecee. 284 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:32,029 [laughter] 285 00:09:32,049 --> 00:09:34,120 Oh, come on, Ceecee. You can do better than that. 286 00:09:34,139 --> 00:09:36,090 This is a real last-ditch effort 287 00:09:36,110 --> 00:09:37,139 at trying to sit at this table. 288 00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:40,070 Frankly, I'm just embarrassed. 289 00:09:40,090 --> 00:09:41,120 - [screams] 290 00:09:41,139 --> 00:09:43,179 students: Oh, snap! [buzzer buzzes] 291 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:46,009 - "Oh, snap" is right, Kimber. 292 00:09:46,029 --> 00:09:49,090 - Oh, how humiliating for Ceecee. 293 00:09:49,110 --> 00:09:50,210 You know, the last thing we should do here 294 00:09:50,230 --> 00:09:51,210 is show that again, 295 00:09:51,230 --> 00:09:53,210 but let's see it again in slow motion. 296 00:09:53,230 --> 00:09:56,129 - [screams in slow motion] 297 00:09:56,149 --> 00:09:58,120 - Oh, man! That's a tough one. 298 00:09:58,139 --> 00:10:00,039 You know, it was humiliating enough 299 00:10:00,059 --> 00:10:01,080 to see it in slow motion. 300 00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:03,159 Let's do it again from another angle. 301 00:10:03,179 --> 00:10:04,230 - [screams] 302 00:10:05,009 --> 00:10:07,149 - Now, let's see if it's less upsetting from the back angle. 303 00:10:07,169 --> 00:10:08,230 - [screams] 304 00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:11,009 - Nope, just as upsetting. 305 00:10:11,029 --> 00:10:12,230 - This is one "Sit Down Somewhere: Classic" 306 00:10:13,009 --> 00:10:14,200 that is very close to my heart. 307 00:10:14,220 --> 00:10:16,029 - How so? 308 00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:17,149 - Because I'm that little girl-- 309 00:10:17,169 --> 00:10:18,179 - Aren't we all? 310 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:21,190 Hey, join us-- - No, I am Ceecee. 311 00:10:21,210 --> 00:10:23,220 Neesha is my middle name. 312 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,000 I got out of the game 313 00:10:25,019 --> 00:10:28,049 after that breakdancing incident went wrong. 314 00:10:28,070 --> 00:10:31,019 I never ate in a cafeteria again. 315 00:10:31,039 --> 00:10:33,090 And I've been standing ever since! 316 00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:34,220 - Well, please... 317 00:10:37,110 --> 00:10:39,220 Sit down somewhere. 318 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,149 This has been a classic episode of "Sit Down Somewhere." 319 00:10:42,169 --> 00:10:44,039 Good night. 320 00:10:44,059 --> 00:10:47,019 That was really you? 321 00:10:47,039 --> 00:10:48,110 - Yeah... 322 00:10:54,179 --> 00:10:57,149 [mellow music] 323 00:10:57,169 --> 00:10:58,200 - Simone, girl. 324 00:10:58,220 --> 00:11:00,120 So I looked his pet owl in the eye, and I said, 325 00:11:00,139 --> 00:11:02,000 "Who you think you talking to?" 326 00:11:02,019 --> 00:11:03,070 - I know that's right, Keema! 327 00:11:03,090 --> 00:11:05,090 - My thing is this: don't have me looking around for you, 328 00:11:05,110 --> 00:11:06,090 like you Waldo, okay? 329 00:11:06,110 --> 00:11:07,159 By the way, a cut and buff is extra. 330 00:11:07,179 --> 00:11:09,090 So I was like, "Nah, where you at? 331 00:11:09,110 --> 00:11:10,129 'Cause I'm grown." - Okay. 332 00:11:10,149 --> 00:11:12,100 Don't be out here clocking for me like I'm a child. 333 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:13,100 I'm good on the cut and buff. 334 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:15,039 And, girl, you know I gotta tell you, he's crazy. 335 00:11:15,059 --> 00:11:16,090 - I know, but peep this: the next day, 336 00:11:16,110 --> 00:11:17,139 me and his sister went to Chili's, 337 00:11:17,159 --> 00:11:18,139 and she asked to try my steak. 338 00:11:18,159 --> 00:11:19,179 A cuticle treatment's an extra dollar per nail. 339 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:21,070 - Uh-uh, if I'm paying these Chili prices, 340 00:11:21,090 --> 00:11:22,190 you cannot taste my steak, and also, 341 00:11:22,210 --> 00:11:23,220 I'm good on the cuticle cleanup. 342 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:25,110 - Okay, but tell me why just last week, 343 00:11:25,129 --> 00:11:26,179 this bitch claimed to be a vegan? 344 00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:28,019 Your cuticles really could use the treatment. 345 00:11:28,039 --> 00:11:29,210 But I'm like, girl, commit to a dietary structure. 346 00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:31,120 - Right, it's too many "I don't eat that" categories out there. 347 00:11:31,139 --> 00:11:32,139 And no on the cuticles. 348 00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:33,200 And it's like, you're either hungry, or you're not. 349 00:11:33,220 --> 00:11:36,129 - Exactly, I hate that shit. I just go by flexitarian. 350 00:11:36,149 --> 00:11:38,049 Because I am flexible with my choices or whatever. 351 00:11:38,070 --> 00:11:39,129 But did you want a soak? 'Cause if so, 352 00:11:39,149 --> 00:11:41,169 that is $2 on top of the lotion fee, which is $3 per pop. 353 00:11:41,190 --> 00:11:43,139 Anyway, I went ahead and cut her a steak sliver. 354 00:11:43,159 --> 00:11:45,230 But just the fatty part. - Okay, flexitarian is smart. 355 00:11:46,009 --> 00:11:47,120 'Cause you can dibble and dabble judgment-free. 356 00:11:47,139 --> 00:11:48,169 I washed my hands before I got here, 357 00:11:48,190 --> 00:11:50,100 and I got that good lotion at home, so I'm good on that. 358 00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:52,009 Was the steak tender, though? 359 00:11:52,029 --> 00:11:54,029 - Girl, what? So tender. 360 00:11:54,049 --> 00:11:56,070 But mind you, I was just there with Tevin a few weeks back, 361 00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:57,220 so I had to pretend like it was my first time. 362 00:11:58,000 --> 00:11:59,000 But anyway, what shape did you want? 363 00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:01,080 Coffin is 5, stiletto is 8, and basic square is $10. 364 00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:02,230 But I was like, I played that off. 365 00:12:03,009 --> 00:12:04,230 - I did that same shit when the last Marvel movie came out. 366 00:12:05,009 --> 00:12:06,039 I let my nigga, Marcus, take me to see it-- 367 00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,200 leave my nails whatever shape they in now-- 368 00:12:07,220 --> 00:12:09,070 and then, my nigga, Hakim, took me too! 369 00:12:09,090 --> 00:12:11,110 - Ah, them niggas is as thirsty as your nail bed! 370 00:12:11,129 --> 00:12:13,070 Now, if you want tips, that's gonna be $12 per finger. 371 00:12:13,090 --> 00:12:14,230 But you know, those movies, they are cinematic! 372 00:12:15,009 --> 00:12:17,100 - They are so cinematic-- no tips for you or my nails-- 373 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:19,059 but all I'm saying is, Black Widow should've been played 374 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:21,110 by a Black woman or a spider. - Facts! 375 00:12:21,129 --> 00:12:23,049 So boom, then I go down to the new farmer's market. 376 00:12:23,070 --> 00:12:24,070 You been down there? 377 00:12:24,090 --> 00:12:26,100 They got those international marinades that I love. 378 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:28,059 Any new nail design is gonna be $8 per squiggle, 379 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:29,179 and for rhinestones, I charge $10 per rhine. 380 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,100 You be marinating? - Only when my man is mad. 381 00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:33,000 No to the rhinestones and/or the designs. 382 00:12:33,019 --> 00:12:34,000 Yes to the marinades! 383 00:12:34,019 --> 00:12:35,049 What else they got down there, though? 384 00:12:35,070 --> 00:12:36,210 - Mm, girl, I went down there to grab me some spices 385 00:12:36,230 --> 00:12:38,120 from East Asia, then I ran into my cousin. 386 00:12:38,139 --> 00:12:39,200 I was like, "Bitch! 387 00:12:39,220 --> 00:12:41,090 Yada, yada, yada. Whoopsie-whoop." 388 00:12:41,110 --> 00:12:43,049 Ombre is gonna be $36 for a gradient stroke. 389 00:12:43,070 --> 00:12:44,070 Thumbs are double. 390 00:12:44,090 --> 00:12:45,159 But then she kept wrapping me up, talking about 391 00:12:45,179 --> 00:12:47,149 some blahzady-blah, and I was like, "Girl, what?" 392 00:12:47,169 --> 00:12:49,070 - Hell no to the ombre, but what was your cousin doing 393 00:12:49,090 --> 00:12:51,039 at the farmer's market? Y'all some organic Black folks. 394 00:12:51,059 --> 00:12:53,039 If I eat gluten, my toe swells. - Girl, that's gout. 395 00:12:53,059 --> 00:12:55,149 But quiet as it's kept-- top coat polish is $88-- 396 00:12:55,169 --> 00:12:57,039 but that market had everything! 397 00:12:57,059 --> 00:12:58,190 Take your swollen toe and go on down there 398 00:12:58,210 --> 00:13:00,110 and get you something-something, girl. 399 00:13:00,129 --> 00:13:02,000 And your total is 312.75. 400 00:13:02,019 --> 00:13:03,029 - Shit, I'ma go on Saturday. 401 00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:04,129 And I'm not paying you a dime over $80 402 00:13:04,149 --> 00:13:06,029 'cause all you did was file my nails. 403 00:13:06,049 --> 00:13:08,029 Bye, girl! - You got it, boo! 404 00:13:08,049 --> 00:13:10,070 It's $5 for the wave goodbye. - I'm good! 405 00:13:13,220 --> 00:13:16,139 - Before the apocalypse, 406 00:13:16,159 --> 00:13:19,139 I was an investment banker by day, 407 00:13:19,159 --> 00:13:23,029 and a thot by night. 408 00:13:23,049 --> 00:13:24,200 What was the question? 409 00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:27,039 - Why should you be president? 410 00:13:27,059 --> 00:13:28,129 - Oh! Mm! 411 00:13:28,149 --> 00:13:29,179 Mm-hmm! 412 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:33,179 The most important thing when starting a new society 413 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:35,049 is money. 414 00:13:35,070 --> 00:13:37,049 Okay, so I propose 415 00:13:37,070 --> 00:13:39,120 a wine-based currency 416 00:13:39,139 --> 00:13:42,080 where the labels are your paper money, 417 00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:44,149 your caps are your coins. 418 00:13:44,169 --> 00:13:47,009 Corks? Silver dollars. 419 00:13:47,029 --> 00:13:48,159 And would you look at that? 420 00:13:48,179 --> 00:13:51,120 I got all of the money. 421 00:13:51,139 --> 00:13:54,059 So I will keep us in the black 422 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:56,019 while drinking the red. 423 00:13:56,039 --> 00:13:57,059 Hmm! 424 00:13:59,149 --> 00:14:01,019 - Robin, 20 seconds. 425 00:14:01,039 --> 00:14:02,169 - What the fuck? Okay. 426 00:14:02,190 --> 00:14:04,100 Uh, well, I'm an excellent planner, 427 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:06,009 some would say, a visionary. 428 00:14:06,029 --> 00:14:08,009 I have a solid plan for the MREs. 429 00:14:08,029 --> 00:14:10,090 I can take that Tuscan beef and stretch it for months. 430 00:14:10,110 --> 00:14:12,070 - [whining] Objection, Your Honor! 431 00:14:12,090 --> 00:14:14,179 You faint at the slightest challenge. 432 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:17,019 - That is not... 433 00:14:17,039 --> 00:14:18,049 I'm fine. 434 00:14:18,070 --> 00:14:19,100 - You sure? 435 00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:22,049 'Cause you're giving "I need a Luna bar." 436 00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:23,210 Low-blood-sugar-having ass. 437 00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:25,210 - Hey, you're the moderator! Moderate your mouth. 438 00:14:25,230 --> 00:14:27,090 - I should be president 439 00:14:27,110 --> 00:14:30,129 because I was the first to recognize a power vacuum 440 00:14:30,149 --> 00:14:32,019 and declare myself president. 441 00:14:32,039 --> 00:14:34,059 - Yes, come through! 442 00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:35,210 With an actual platform. 443 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,019 - Well, I've already established 444 00:14:37,039 --> 00:14:39,009 my presidential library. 445 00:14:39,029 --> 00:14:41,029 - Okay, well, I think you have to have a presidency 446 00:14:41,049 --> 00:14:43,169 before you can have a presidential library. 447 00:14:43,190 --> 00:14:45,129 - Okay, fine, but let the record reflect, 448 00:14:45,149 --> 00:14:47,070 I am still the smartest. 449 00:14:47,090 --> 00:14:51,029 - Let the record reflect, Gabrielle is the scariest. 450 00:14:51,049 --> 00:14:54,009 - And I will rule with an iron "flist." 451 00:14:54,029 --> 00:14:55,159 - Okay, well, I'm a natural-born leader, 452 00:14:55,179 --> 00:14:57,230 so I don't know why we're still talking about it. 453 00:14:58,009 --> 00:14:59,220 - Oh, and I'm not even a fucking option? 454 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,100 [laughter] - What? 455 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:03,190 - Laci. Laci! 456 00:15:03,210 --> 00:15:05,220 - No. - That's so cute! 457 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,029 - Why wouldn't it be me? 458 00:15:07,049 --> 00:15:09,059 I am at the peak of my athletic prowess. 459 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:11,100 I am clever, yet approachable-- 460 00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:14,019 - Don't forget cute. - Thank you, Skye! 461 00:15:14,039 --> 00:15:16,129 You know--you know, you guys never take me seriously. 462 00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:20,200 And you need to put some respect on my name. 463 00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:22,159 - Oh, wow. - Sorry, Laci. 464 00:15:22,179 --> 00:15:23,200 - Respect? [snorts] 465 00:15:23,220 --> 00:15:27,039 - So does that mean you want to run for president then? 466 00:15:27,059 --> 00:15:29,059 - Nah, I'm good. 467 00:15:32,129 --> 00:15:34,070 [overlapping chatter] 468 00:15:34,090 --> 00:15:35,200 - This is about to change your life. 469 00:15:35,220 --> 00:15:38,110 - You've been talking about it for a minute. 470 00:15:38,129 --> 00:15:41,120 [cheers and applause] 471 00:15:41,139 --> 00:15:43,110 - Karlie Chanel 472 00:15:43,129 --> 00:15:46,190 is a marketing guru, 473 00:15:46,210 --> 00:15:48,159 business mogul, author, 474 00:15:48,179 --> 00:15:50,090 speaker, life coach, 475 00:15:50,110 --> 00:15:52,230 motivationalist, inspirationalist, 476 00:15:53,009 --> 00:15:54,230 SHE-E-O, 477 00:15:55,009 --> 00:15:58,019 TV personality, and domestic traveler. 478 00:15:58,039 --> 00:16:00,190 Dynamic. Powerful. Motivate. 479 00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:04,000 Ladies, please welcome 480 00:16:04,019 --> 00:16:06,090 Ms. Karlie Chanel! 481 00:16:06,110 --> 00:16:09,169 [cheers and applause] 482 00:16:09,190 --> 00:16:11,220 - Whoo! Karlie! 483 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:14,009 - Did she just bring herself out? 484 00:16:14,029 --> 00:16:16,049 - Sabrina, I am so excited. 485 00:16:16,070 --> 00:16:17,169 I stopped buying the good shampoo 486 00:16:17,190 --> 00:16:19,070 and started using those hotel bottles 487 00:16:19,090 --> 00:16:21,049 just so I could afford these tickets. 488 00:16:21,070 --> 00:16:22,210 - Okay, I'm sorry, but what exactly 489 00:16:22,230 --> 00:16:24,129 does Black Barbie do again, Latise? 490 00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:25,169 - You heard her bio. 491 00:16:25,190 --> 00:16:27,080 She's an inspirationalist, 492 00:16:27,100 --> 00:16:30,009 and a motivationalist. 493 00:16:30,029 --> 00:16:31,120 - Oh. 494 00:16:31,139 --> 00:16:32,200 You're welcome. 495 00:16:32,220 --> 00:16:34,210 Oh, ladies. 496 00:16:34,230 --> 00:16:37,159 I have coached hundreds of women 497 00:16:37,179 --> 00:16:39,070 just like you 498 00:16:39,090 --> 00:16:41,039 on how to... 499 00:16:41,059 --> 00:16:43,070 tap into their greatness. 500 00:16:43,090 --> 00:16:44,220 There it is. There's the greatness. 501 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,029 [cheers and applause] Oh! 502 00:16:46,049 --> 00:16:48,009 And today, I am honored 503 00:16:48,029 --> 00:16:50,220 to deliver my message. 504 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:52,100 "Aspire higher. 505 00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:53,169 "[shouts] Live louder. 506 00:16:53,190 --> 00:16:54,190 "[softly] Fail quieter. 507 00:16:54,210 --> 00:16:55,220 "[normally] Be you. 508 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,129 "Rules of the Road on Your Journey to Success 509 00:16:57,149 --> 00:17:00,009 While Maximizing Your Full Potential." 510 00:17:00,029 --> 00:17:01,019 [cheers and applause] 511 00:17:01,039 --> 00:17:02,100 - "Maximize... 512 00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:04,170 my full potential." 513 00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:06,009 - You just wrote that down? 514 00:17:06,029 --> 00:17:08,049 She just used a bunch of words, but didn't say shit. 515 00:17:08,069 --> 00:17:09,210 Who is she? T.I.? - Shh! 516 00:17:09,230 --> 00:17:11,170 - It is imperative 517 00:17:11,190 --> 00:17:15,029 that you discover the discomfort zone, 518 00:17:15,049 --> 00:17:17,200 which exists in the gap 519 00:17:17,220 --> 00:17:19,210 that must be explored 520 00:17:19,230 --> 00:17:24,029 between what is and what can... 521 00:17:24,049 --> 00:17:26,059 ultimately become! 522 00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:29,049 - Yes, sis, yes! [cheers and applause] 523 00:17:29,069 --> 00:17:31,000 - I need to talk to you. 524 00:17:31,019 --> 00:17:33,109 Okay, first, it was your brother's Herbalife seminar. 525 00:17:33,130 --> 00:17:35,029 - Mm-hmm. - Then, you dragged me 526 00:17:35,049 --> 00:17:36,210 to that circus clown meetup group. 527 00:17:36,230 --> 00:17:39,109 You have been inviting me on some wild-ass shit 528 00:17:39,130 --> 00:17:40,150 the last couple of weeks. 529 00:17:40,170 --> 00:17:42,069 Is--is this a cry for help? 530 00:17:42,089 --> 00:17:44,190 - What--hush! Pay attention. 531 00:17:44,210 --> 00:17:48,140 - Now, as I say in my book, 532 00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:51,130 "Conquering the Art of Conquering Through Conquering," 533 00:17:51,150 --> 00:17:55,069 "Dream. Dare. Do. 534 00:17:55,089 --> 00:17:57,019 Be you!" 535 00:17:57,039 --> 00:17:59,069 - I will! I will do that! 536 00:17:59,089 --> 00:18:00,180 - Girl, how many ways 537 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:03,059 are you gonna let Phony Braxton scam you? 538 00:18:03,079 --> 00:18:05,109 - Now, ladies, 539 00:18:05,130 --> 00:18:07,059 as you know, 540 00:18:07,079 --> 00:18:09,079 the journey to the self 541 00:18:09,099 --> 00:18:12,000 requires sacrifice 542 00:18:12,019 --> 00:18:13,109 and dedication. 543 00:18:13,130 --> 00:18:14,119 - Mm-hmm. 544 00:18:14,140 --> 00:18:16,009 [audience murmuring] 545 00:18:16,029 --> 00:18:17,220 - It's time... 546 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,119 [soft dramatic music] 547 00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:22,130 To ignite your inner and outer self. 548 00:18:22,150 --> 00:18:23,160 - What? 549 00:18:23,180 --> 00:18:25,039 - Who is ready 550 00:18:25,059 --> 00:18:26,150 for their soul 551 00:18:26,170 --> 00:18:28,150 to be set on fire? 552 00:18:28,170 --> 00:18:29,180 - I am! 553 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,089 [cheers and applause] 554 00:18:31,109 --> 00:18:33,079 - In hell! 555 00:18:33,099 --> 00:18:34,230 [dramatic music] 556 00:18:35,009 --> 00:18:36,049 - Hell? 557 00:18:36,069 --> 00:18:37,119 - Whoo! [giggles] 558 00:18:37,140 --> 00:18:41,200 ♪ ♪ 559 00:18:41,220 --> 00:18:42,220 - Ladies, 560 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,190 leave your purses on your chair 561 00:18:45,210 --> 00:18:48,049 and come burn away 562 00:18:48,069 --> 00:18:50,119 the demons of self-doubts! 563 00:18:50,140 --> 00:18:53,009 - [screams, growls] 564 00:18:53,029 --> 00:18:55,069 - Latise! The fuck are you doing? 565 00:18:55,089 --> 00:18:56,230 - Oh, I like this shirt. I don't want it to burn. 566 00:18:57,009 --> 00:18:58,140 - I don't want you to burn! 567 00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:00,099 - Sabrina, lean in to it. 568 00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:02,069 Be brave. Be bold. 569 00:19:02,089 --> 00:19:04,059 Be you! - Okay. 570 00:19:04,079 --> 00:19:05,089 This is enough. 571 00:19:05,109 --> 00:19:07,079 You have gone full-on batshit crazy. 572 00:19:07,099 --> 00:19:10,119 Lose my number and never talk to me again! 573 00:19:10,140 --> 00:19:12,210 - Yes, my Karliebelles. 574 00:19:12,230 --> 00:19:16,079 [cackling] Yes! 575 00:19:16,099 --> 00:19:19,009 Revel in that cleansing fire! 576 00:19:19,029 --> 00:19:21,009 Yes! 577 00:19:21,029 --> 00:19:22,049 - Whew. 578 00:19:22,069 --> 00:19:23,200 That was so much easier than telling her 579 00:19:23,220 --> 00:19:25,119 I didn't wanna be in her wedding. 580 00:19:25,140 --> 00:19:27,099 - Yes! 581 00:19:30,210 --> 00:19:33,019 [sinister music] 582 00:19:33,039 --> 00:19:35,180 - I pulled out your nose hairs 583 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:37,099 one-by-one, 584 00:19:37,119 --> 00:19:39,160 and you barely even flinched! 585 00:19:39,180 --> 00:19:42,019 Show me some hurt, damn it! 586 00:19:42,039 --> 00:19:44,160 - [grunts] Nice try, Kid Cudi. 587 00:19:44,180 --> 00:19:46,220 I have fibroids the size of cantaloupes. 588 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:48,200 I have slept through worse pain. 589 00:19:48,220 --> 00:19:50,009 - [screams] 590 00:19:50,029 --> 00:19:51,119 [purse creaks] 591 00:19:51,140 --> 00:19:53,119 - [gasps] 592 00:19:53,140 --> 00:19:56,059 [whimpers] - Huh. 593 00:19:56,079 --> 00:20:00,019 Saul, how could you forget? 594 00:20:00,039 --> 00:20:01,049 - No, wait. What are you doing? 595 00:20:01,069 --> 00:20:02,089 Don't you know you're never supposed to touch 596 00:20:02,109 --> 00:20:03,130 a Black woman's purse? Hold on, what are you-- 597 00:20:03,150 --> 00:20:05,059 - Now that I have your attention, 598 00:20:05,079 --> 00:20:07,220 I'm gonna tell you a little story. 599 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,039 [dramatic musical sting] - [gasps] 600 00:20:09,059 --> 00:20:10,150 [screams] No! 601 00:20:10,170 --> 00:20:12,000 Don't set it on the floor! 602 00:20:12,019 --> 00:20:13,230 My money's gonna go out the door. 603 00:20:14,009 --> 00:20:15,049 - One day, 604 00:20:15,069 --> 00:20:17,089 I asked about my refund check 605 00:20:17,109 --> 00:20:19,200 in the financial aid office. 606 00:20:19,220 --> 00:20:21,069 [dramatic musical sting] 607 00:20:21,089 --> 00:20:24,200 The lady told me to come back next week, 608 00:20:24,220 --> 00:20:26,079 just as she did... 609 00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:29,099 Every. Week. Before. 610 00:20:29,119 --> 00:20:30,109 - [softly] Stop. 611 00:20:30,130 --> 00:20:31,220 - But this day, 612 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,180 I took it exceptionally hard! 613 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:37,000 - [screams] 614 00:20:37,019 --> 00:20:38,089 - [laughs maniacally] 615 00:20:38,109 --> 00:20:41,069 - You put your hand in my bag, I turn into an old hag. 616 00:20:41,089 --> 00:20:42,099 - Yeah! Yeah! 617 00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:44,079 - Your hand in my clutch, I have bad luck. 618 00:20:44,099 --> 00:20:46,029 That didn't rhyme, but you know what I mean. 619 00:20:46,049 --> 00:20:48,099 [gasps, whimpers] 620 00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:49,140 My lip stuff! 621 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:51,130 [wails] 622 00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:55,009 - You zip your dehydrated lips! 623 00:20:55,029 --> 00:20:56,210 Anyway, 624 00:20:56,230 --> 00:20:59,109 I left her office in tears, 625 00:20:59,130 --> 00:21:02,000 and you recorded me! 626 00:21:02,019 --> 00:21:03,150 - What? 627 00:21:06,180 --> 00:21:08,160 Oh, shit. 628 00:21:08,180 --> 00:21:11,000 You're my pinned tweet. 629 00:21:11,019 --> 00:21:13,119 Wow. - You made me a meme! 630 00:21:13,140 --> 00:21:16,119 And now I'm in a support group with Antoine Dodson, 631 00:21:16,140 --> 00:21:19,009 Sweet Brown, and this lady! 632 00:21:19,029 --> 00:21:22,079 - I had no idea it would go viral. 633 00:21:22,099 --> 00:21:25,059 It's not my fault it struck a chord with Chrissy Teigen! 634 00:21:25,079 --> 00:21:26,059 Please. 635 00:21:26,079 --> 00:21:28,009 - [grunts] 636 00:21:28,029 --> 00:21:29,079 - Are you okay, baby? 637 00:21:29,099 --> 00:21:31,200 - Nacie, this guy is crazy! 638 00:21:31,220 --> 00:21:33,049 - Oh, that's the dude from the meme! 639 00:21:33,069 --> 00:21:35,130 "But it's my money!" 640 00:21:35,150 --> 00:21:37,009 - Nacie, untie me. - Hold on. 641 00:21:37,029 --> 00:21:38,089 Why's your purse on the floor? 642 00:21:38,109 --> 00:21:39,099 - I know. It's such bad juju. 643 00:21:39,119 --> 00:21:41,049 - Why's your purse on the floor! 644 00:21:41,069 --> 00:21:43,200 [dramatic musical sting] 645 00:21:46,069 --> 00:21:48,170 - What? What happened? 646 00:21:48,190 --> 00:21:49,200 - You fucked up. 647 00:21:49,220 --> 00:21:51,160 So we stole all your basketball shorts 648 00:21:51,180 --> 00:21:53,210 and hoodies. 649 00:21:53,230 --> 00:21:56,009 - Now you gonna have to collect your Postmates 650 00:21:56,029 --> 00:21:58,119 in jeans, like a bitch! 651 00:21:58,140 --> 00:22:00,170 - [gasps] But it's my hoodie! 652 00:22:04,019 --> 00:22:05,059 - I'm tired of having this argument. 653 00:22:05,079 --> 00:22:07,079 I'm the only one who has a political science degree. 654 00:22:07,099 --> 00:22:09,170 I'm the only one who has any common sense. 655 00:22:09,190 --> 00:22:11,039 - Okay, well, I'm not voting for Ashley 656 00:22:11,059 --> 00:22:12,089 'cause she doesn't even want it. 657 00:22:12,109 --> 00:22:14,170 She just thinks she'd look cute on money, which, fair. 658 00:22:14,190 --> 00:22:16,000 - I'd make it rain Ashleys. 659 00:22:16,019 --> 00:22:17,150 - After careful thought, 660 00:22:17,170 --> 00:22:19,109 I'm still voting for me. 661 00:22:19,130 --> 00:22:21,190 - Okay, well, all disrespect, you'd be terrible. 662 00:22:21,210 --> 00:22:23,049 - Ooh! - You would just sell us out 663 00:22:23,069 --> 00:22:25,019 for a man or a Moscato, whichever came first. 664 00:22:25,039 --> 00:22:26,089 - Hopefully me. 665 00:22:26,109 --> 00:22:28,130 - See, she's too horny to be president! 666 00:22:28,150 --> 00:22:31,190 - Or exactly horny enough. Mm-hmm. 667 00:22:31,210 --> 00:22:33,029 - Robin, admit it. 668 00:22:33,049 --> 00:22:36,059 You are jealous that Skye came up with a plan to save us, 669 00:22:36,079 --> 00:22:38,069 and that no one went to an imaginary house 670 00:22:38,089 --> 00:22:39,170 that you "dreampt" about. 671 00:22:39,190 --> 00:22:42,009 Great, now you all have me saying "dreampt." 672 00:22:42,029 --> 00:22:43,220 - Wow, yeah. You know what? 673 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,119 I am, 'cause you know where I'm president? 674 00:22:46,140 --> 00:22:49,059 My fly-ass, apocalypse-proof house. 675 00:22:49,079 --> 00:22:51,039 And I know you all don't believe me, 676 00:22:51,059 --> 00:22:53,019 but it is real, okay? 677 00:22:53,039 --> 00:22:55,009 And guess who's going back there? 678 00:22:55,029 --> 00:22:57,140 Me and only me! [laughs] 679 00:22:57,160 --> 00:22:59,079 So good luck surviving without the cool one! 680 00:23:03,220 --> 00:23:05,210 - [yawns] 681 00:23:05,230 --> 00:23:07,150 - Jasmine, what the hell? 682 00:23:07,170 --> 00:23:08,190 How are you still here? 683 00:23:08,210 --> 00:23:10,039 You missed Essence Fest. 684 00:23:10,059 --> 00:23:13,140 Mary J. Blige performed with a hologram of Mary J. Blige. 685 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,059 - Hologram, what? 686 00:23:15,079 --> 00:23:17,049 I could've sworn I haven't been here that long, Vanessa. 687 00:23:17,069 --> 00:23:19,069 My appointment was at 8:00... - [scoffs] 688 00:23:19,089 --> 00:23:20,150 - Last Thursday. 689 00:23:20,170 --> 00:23:23,049 Dang, my boss probably fired me, huh? 690 00:23:23,069 --> 00:23:25,220 - Probably. And you should fire your triflin' stylist. 691 00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:28,150 So let's do what she couldn't, and make tracks. 692 00:23:28,170 --> 00:23:30,069 - Okay. - Yep, let's go. 693 00:23:30,089 --> 00:23:31,119 Come on. 694 00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:35,200 - Oh, my pre-stretched hair! 695 00:23:37,150 --> 00:23:38,220 - Queens. 696 00:23:39,009 --> 00:23:41,039 Welcome to Wigzard of Oz. 697 00:23:41,059 --> 00:23:43,029 I'm Gigi, the owner. 698 00:23:43,049 --> 00:23:45,150 My store is like hip-hop in the '90s. 699 00:23:45,170 --> 00:23:48,000 You can sample anything you want. 700 00:23:48,019 --> 00:23:49,079 - A warm welcome? Free samples? 701 00:23:49,099 --> 00:23:51,059 Am I white here? - No! 702 00:23:51,079 --> 00:23:52,160 - At Wigzard of Oz, 703 00:23:52,180 --> 00:23:55,049 it is our mission to give every Black woman 704 00:23:55,069 --> 00:23:58,089 the full-service beauty experience she deserves. 705 00:23:58,109 --> 00:24:00,089 - And girl, they don't even play Christian music here 706 00:24:00,109 --> 00:24:02,039 to put the fear of God in you so you don't steal. 707 00:24:02,059 --> 00:24:04,079 - Christian music never stopped anyone from doing wrong. 708 00:24:04,099 --> 00:24:07,009 My pastor's mistress told me that. 709 00:24:07,029 --> 00:24:08,190 Notice our shampoo and conditioner sets 710 00:24:08,210 --> 00:24:10,230 are proportional to usage. - What? 711 00:24:11,009 --> 00:24:12,200 - Name a more iconic duo. I'll wait. 712 00:24:12,220 --> 00:24:16,029 - And all of our synthetic wigs are made from premium fibers 713 00:24:16,049 --> 00:24:17,130 that do not matte or tangle. 714 00:24:17,150 --> 00:24:19,029 - Mm, they all say that, 715 00:24:19,049 --> 00:24:21,190 and then I end up out here tumbleweedin' in these streets. 716 00:24:21,210 --> 00:24:23,059 - Well, ours are different. 717 00:24:23,079 --> 00:24:24,119 Take Margaret over there. 718 00:24:24,140 --> 00:24:26,039 See her wig? - Ooh. 719 00:24:26,059 --> 00:24:27,180 - That can't be a wig. 720 00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:29,089 - Same one she had on during the L.A. Riots. 721 00:24:29,109 --> 00:24:31,059 - Stop. Oh! - Mm-hmm. 722 00:24:31,079 --> 00:24:33,170 - Margaret! You look good, girl. 723 00:24:33,190 --> 00:24:37,099 - Also, our stylists start every appointment on time. 724 00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:38,130 - Stop lying. 725 00:24:38,150 --> 00:24:40,059 What if I'm late? 726 00:24:40,079 --> 00:24:43,009 - Send your hair ahead of time, of course. 727 00:24:43,029 --> 00:24:44,180 - Ooh! Ooh! 728 00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:45,230 Ooh! 729 00:24:46,009 --> 00:24:48,230 [whimsical music] 730 00:24:49,009 --> 00:24:51,079 ♪ ♪ 731 00:24:51,099 --> 00:24:53,160 [gasps] - I mean... 732 00:24:53,180 --> 00:24:56,230 - Dang. Make it make sense, Ms. Gigi. 733 00:24:57,009 --> 00:24:58,130 Did you go to Hogwarts? 734 00:24:58,150 --> 00:25:00,039 - No. 735 00:25:00,059 --> 00:25:01,210 Howard. - Mm-hmm. 736 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,200 So, Jas, look. 737 00:25:03,220 --> 00:25:06,220 They even have curling irons that don't burn. 738 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:08,059 Come on. Put it on your forehead. 739 00:25:08,079 --> 00:25:10,099 - Girl, I am not putting a hot-ass curling iron 740 00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:11,220 on my forehead, okay? - Put it on your forehead. 741 00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:15,009 - I'm not putting-- - Put it on your--ah. 742 00:25:15,029 --> 00:25:16,220 - Look at God. 743 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:18,019 - Look at her. 744 00:25:18,039 --> 00:25:20,099 - How did-- - [scoffs] 745 00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:22,019 That ain't nothing but Gods! 746 00:25:22,039 --> 00:25:24,119 Nothing but Gods! [squeals] 747 00:25:24,140 --> 00:25:27,089 - Is this what you had in mind? 748 00:25:27,109 --> 00:25:29,019 - [sighs] - [chuckles] 749 00:25:29,039 --> 00:25:31,170 - This is amazing! 750 00:25:31,190 --> 00:25:34,109 I have never gotten exactly what I wanted before. 751 00:25:34,130 --> 00:25:36,130 Thank you, Ms. Gigi. - You're welcome. 752 00:25:36,150 --> 00:25:38,099 - Ooh, I look good. - You do. 753 00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:39,220 - I gotta put this on the 'Gram. 754 00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:41,089 [camera shutter clicks] 755 00:25:41,109 --> 00:25:43,009 Oh, my gosh. 756 00:25:43,029 --> 00:25:45,009 I am already getting so many likes. 757 00:25:45,029 --> 00:25:46,190 - Well-- - I have not gotten this many 758 00:25:46,210 --> 00:25:48,190 likes since I posted some random girl's sonogram 759 00:25:48,210 --> 00:25:50,119 with the caption "big news." 760 00:25:50,140 --> 00:25:51,230 [laughs] 761 00:25:52,009 --> 00:25:53,150 They just keep coming in. 762 00:25:53,170 --> 00:25:55,069 - Of course. - See? 763 00:25:55,089 --> 00:25:56,150 [upbeat music stops] 764 00:25:56,170 --> 00:25:58,009 - You ain't tag me? 765 00:25:58,029 --> 00:26:00,000 [dramatic musical sting] 766 00:26:00,019 --> 00:26:02,180 - [gasps] 767 00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:04,079 No! 768 00:26:04,099 --> 00:26:06,099 No! No! 769 00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:09,019 - Jasmine, I'ma go get something else to eat. 770 00:26:09,039 --> 00:26:11,029 These chicken tenders taste like cigarettes. 771 00:26:11,049 --> 00:26:13,220 Give me, like, four hours. 772 00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:15,170 - Ms. Gigi? 773 00:26:15,190 --> 00:26:16,200 Oh... 774 00:26:16,220 --> 00:26:19,180 Jumbo conditioners? [crying] 775 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:23,029 Oh, magical hair? 776 00:26:23,049 --> 00:26:25,109 [inhales, exhales] 777 00:26:25,130 --> 00:26:28,200 [sinister music] 778 00:26:28,220 --> 00:26:31,170 [skin sizzles] No! 779 00:27:35,059 --> 00:27:37,170 - You got Michael Jordan pride face sneaks. 780 00:27:37,190 --> 00:27:39,079 You got on some long sleeve drawers. 781 00:27:39,099 --> 00:27:42,049 - Well, hopefully she slides into a better group. 782 00:27:42,069 --> 00:27:44,039 - I'd love to slide in something myself. 783 00:27:44,059 --> 00:27:45,210 - Don't do it! - And when I say partner, 784 00:27:45,230 --> 00:27:48,019 I mean it in every way possible. 785 00:27:48,039 --> 00:27:50,099 I want to have sex with you. - No, no. 786 00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:51,150 Oh, man, Neesha. 787 00:27:51,170 --> 00:27:54,170 I thought we settled this with the restraining order. 788 00:27:54,190 --> 00:27:57,019 Also, my wife hates you. 789 00:27:57,039 --> 00:27:58,180 She wrote your name in blood on the ground 790 00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:00,049 and lit it on fire. 791 00:28:00,069 --> 00:28:03,019 Well, Neesha, first of all, my first play was Kurtis Blow. 792 00:28:03,039 --> 00:28:05,140 [both laugh] 793 00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:07,029 - I'd love to Kurtis Blow you. 794 00:28:07,049 --> 00:28:09,130 - I knew you were gonna do it! I walked right into it. 795 00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:23,140 [bright tone] 796 00:28:23,190 --> 00:28:27,740 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0